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At 6:58 am, my phone rang. I could tell by the Mariachi music that it was my not-biological-but-pretty-much brother. I’ve curated a family that is no kin to me to make up for the one genetics left me with. I promise you, the Build Your Own Family Adventure is totally worth it.
I was wrist deep in biscuit dough and drowning in breakfast prep so I had to let his call go to voicemail. When I was able I shot him a text to ask what was up. During the waiting between my text and him returning my call, I found out that Chris Cornell had died. When we got on the phone finally, that was the reason for the call.
It was by accident that I found Soundgarden in middle school. I think it was swapping CDs on the band bus when Superunknown found it’s way into my ears. It quickly became one of my frequently played albums. Even when I bounced around, experimenting with genres of music (yeah, I was totally into nu-metal for a long while) Soundgarden and their grunge brethren were with me. When Audioslave hit, I was instantly in love. There were many, many time Chris Cornell and his four-octave vocals held my hand, iced my burns, and sang me to sleep.
It seemed like the news that it was suicide hit as fast and as hard as his death did. Reports seem split on if he had exhibited signs of depression or not. The trouble with depression is that for a lot of us, the “signs” have been around so long they’ve just become who we are. So often we hide behind a mask so thick, it hides our struggle from even those closest to us.
I can’t speak for Chris, I only know my own story. But I know that hiding your true struggles becomes an art form. We live in a world where mental illness is constantly second guessed and made light of. There’s still this stigma that hangs over us. Tell someone you broke your arm and they say go to the doctor. Tell them you feel depressed and they ask if you’ve tried just feeling better. As if it was that simple.
If you’re fighting that fight, please know you aren’t alone. It’s easy to feel that way. At times it’s comforting.But these are not battles you have to wage alone. There are people there to help you. National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24 hours a day online and on the phone (1-800-273-8255). Here is a link from PsychCentral with numbers for hotlines that specialize various issues.
You are not alone in this. Needing help is not weakness. Asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do. Let’s support each other.
Now please excuse me while I damage my hearing by blasting some Soundgarden/Audioslave/Temple of the Dog.
I seriously almost skipped doing today. Its after 10 pm and Little Miss M is still awake. Which means I’m still on the mommy clock. Which doesn’t make me a happy lady. Today has been a stressful day, so I was very much looking forward to time to myself to unwind before getting tired and falling asleep in a puddle of my own drool. But it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.
So, quickly, here are ten songs I really fucking love right now.
- “Well, Everybody’s Fucking In A U.F.O” by Rob Zombie. I’ve been a Zombie fan for like half of my life. This new song is just so damn good. And it’s wonderful to sing while walking in the grocery store on Old People Day.
- “Breath Of Life” by Florence and the Machine. This song is so powerful. The building of the vocals , the instrumental, its all just perfect.
- “I and Love and You” by The Avett Brothers. I love this bands sound and how tight and together they are. The slow “We are headed North” part gives me goosebumps.
- “You’re Standing On My Neck” by Splendora. It’s the Daria theme song. I love Daria.I might be Daria.
- “Come With Me Now” by The Kongos. This song makes me want to go out and do shit. Badass shit.
- “I Will Wait” by Mumford and Sons. Pretty much everything by Mumford and Sons is magical.
- “Renegades” by X Ambassadors
- “One Arm Scissor” At the Drive In. They are back! And touring!
- “Saint Cecillia”by The Foo Fighters. I love the Foo Fighters. I have for a very long time. They keep putting out music that speaks to me.
- “Snow” by Red Hot Chili Peppers. Always this song. Always.