Day 3: Favorite Quote

This one is pretty hard. I really love quotes and have a few that have rented rooms inside my head. Some of them have no meaning in everyday life (“Zed’s dead,baby. Zed’s dead.”) and others feel like they were created just for me (“Believe me, nothing is trivial.”)

But this one, since I read it the first time, really struck a cord.

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Now, I’ve seen it attributed to both Mother Theresa and Konstantin Josef Jirecek. Regardless, it has so much meaning to me. Especially the last part. I never had a safety net. I never had a cheering section behind me. What Ive learned, Ive taught myself. And a lot of the time, I was wrong. But now, because of the shit Ive carried myself through, Im sure I can do anything.

Day 2: 20 Facts

I get to blog early today because BOTH BABIES ARE SLEEPING AT THE SAME TIME.

This is like the planets aligning on the day you win the lottery. It just doesn’t happen. So, Im trying to make the most of it. Today’s challenge theme is ’20 facts about you’. Let’s knock this out:

  1. I hate watermelon and watermelon flavored items. I don’t care what you say, I find it gross. Me not eating watermelon means there’s more for you guys, so you really should thank me.
  2. I also hate onions. Its a texture thing, not a taste thing.
  3. I am missing the following body parts: tonsils, adenoids, appendix, wisdom teeth and the nails on both of my big toes.
  4. I’ve had three surgeries on my right knee. It’s still a fucking mess.
  5. I’m afraid of ants.
  6. I’m lactose intolerant. It makes me sad.
  7.  I’ve lived on both sides of America and in Germany.
  8. It took me three tries to get my driving license when I was in high school. A few years later, it would take me three times to get my DOD sponsor driving license when we lived in Germany.
  9. I’m afraid of clowns thanks to Tim Curry and Stephen King.
  10. I’ve spent years trying to overcome a horrible Southern accent. If I’m tired or have been in my cups, it comes roaring out.
  11. I like sewing. I’m not great, but I’ve made a few things I’m proud of.
  12. I had to take a multi hour long break here because the babies woke up and I had to go pick up the other one and then dinner and showers and etc,etc. So this fact is that no time of my waking hours is really my time. Im devoted to this wild bunch of misfits.
  13. I struggle with depression and anxiety on a daily basis.
  14. I’m a reformed nail biter.
  15. My husband and I met at a thrift store.
  16. Pizza is life. Glorious, glorious pizza.
  17. My first dogs name was Tippy.
  18. I have a slight fear of prescription medicine. My mother abused pills when I was a kid and it really left a mark on me. I’m even hesitant to take OTC pain relievers.
  19. Other than my nerdy fandoms (Supernatural,Doctor Who,Star Trek, etc) Im also a fan of auto racing, professional wrestling, MMA, and football.
  20. I’ve made it to 20! This might be the most I’ve talked about myself in along time. So I will try to end it with something good. When I was a kid I wanted to run away to Nashville and become a singer/songwriter. But I can’t sing and never learned to play guitar. That never really panned out.

Now you know a shit ton more about me than you did before!

Day 1: Introduction

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Ok, let’s do this!

I’ve never been good at introductions, so let’s just hit the basics.

I’m Angela. I’m in my early 30s and I’m allergic to penicillin. I’m a long time nerd and weirdo. One of my feet is slightly bigger than the other and I’m right handed. I’m the opposite of a perfectionist. I’m a “eh,thats good enough”ist. I like to craft. Sewing is what I’m focusing on right now. I really love to sew, even if my projects are hit or miss. I also really love photography. Like sewing, its still hit or miss for me, but Im getting better. I lost my desire to create anything for a while and am slowly regaining it. I’m doing a photography challenge on Facebook that’s made me fall in love with my camera again. It’s pretty awesome. While writing this, I’m drinking a PBR and watching The Twilight Zone. I’m sure that says something about me as a person.

I’ve been married for almost 11 years to my best friend who I will affectionately call Mr. L.  We got married pretty young and have done some pretty incredible things. The most incredible are our four children.

Az was our first son and oldest child. He was born in Washington State on a cold day. When he was born, I became a different, better person. He was super smart and super sweet. I use the word was because he passed away November 2011, a week before my birthday. It was totally unforseen and unexpected. Every single day, every hour, I still hurt and long for him. He was my first best friend. He was a gift to the world. He still is.

Jo our little Bean Boy. He is quickly approaching his 8th birthday. He’s hilarious and kind and just a little high strung. He has ADHD and is currently in second grade. School has been hard for him, but I totally think that things are starting to look up. He loves making things out of clay and video games, just like his daddy.

Des is our little quiet giant. He is three and likes to play pretend. He really likes to play pretend. His current favorite thing is to make a story up using his fingers as people. He has beautiful blue eyes. His current favorite things is the new car seat we upgraded him to. He practically begs to go “bye bye” so he can ride in it.

And the baby is Miss Mar. She is our surprise baby. We didn’t plan on her showing up, or being a her for the matter, but she did. And although she is sassy and loud, she is amazing. Sometimes I can’t believe she’s real. She loves kitties and likes to burp. She likes to help and is constantly underfoot. She’s our own little Arya Underfoot.

My orgin story is kind of shitty. I had an abusive, narcissistic mother and an apathetic father. I was the scapegoat of the family. I’ve been no contact with them for a long time. I’m still working through mess that was left by that life. I will probably hit on that whole mess later.

I don’t know what else to say! I feel like I’ve said so much without saying anything. Talking about myself has always felt weird. At least I’ve completed Day 1 of this challenge. Self high five for that!

Opps Bag- $2

The closest mall to our house has a cookie shop. I actually think it may be called “The Cookie Shop” but I could be making that up because it sounds good in my head.

We were at the mall on Tuesday for the Mister to get his eyes checked. (Yes, theres an optometrist in the mall). I was walking the babies around when they were getting antsy. There was only one thing that would calm the savage beasts. And it was cookies.

We roll up to the cookie counter in the food court and I order some little sugar cookies for their little kid hands and a lemonade for myself. I noticed a sign near the register while we were waiting “Oops Bag-$2”. So I read the small text and found out that Oops Bags were overcooked, broken, a day old or otherwise less than perfect cookies. I immediately thought this was a great idea and asked for one.

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It wasn’t just because it was cheap cookies. I mean, I love cookies and cheap ones are even better ya know. It’s because if people were cookies, I’d be an Oops Bag. I’ve been broken, I’m older, and I’m a far ways from perfect. There are pieces of me missing that will never return. There have been parts of me burned,blackened, and ruined. And even though my life has been filled with people who passed over me and chose another, I’m still good. I’m still worthy. To a zombie or cannibal, I’m still delicious.

Just because we’re not perfect doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough. Our flaws are parts of our story. Our flaws are part of who and what we are. We should honor those things in us that make us who we are. For good or bad, we are who we are. And we shouldn’t be ashamed.

 

 

Anger

Anger is the coating for inadequacy.

Anger is the capitalization of pain.

Anger is a bad translation of misunderstanding.

Anger is unhappiness set on fire.

Anger is panic wearing stilts and dropping it’s voice.

Anger is Depresson’s paramour.

Anger is not a badge of honor.

Anger is the dictator that rules after a coup.

Anger is the jar of nectar tempting from across the room.

I know these things. I spilled the words from my heart. But I still let anger take over when I feel vulnerable, insulted, or rejected. Its a preset response that I want to eliminate.

I’d rather be seen as soft than as a hateful,anger bitch.

What paths have you found the break the chains of anger? What resources do you enjoy?

It took a bit of time to realize, I am not the perfect mother.

Sometimes my kid eats chips for dinner. Sometimes we skip brushing teeth. Sometimes we veg out on the couch and watch tv for hours. Sometimes Im short tempered and honestly, down right rude. Sometimes there arent matching socks for school.

And most of the time, they dont care. And neither do I. My boys are as happy as they can be and are growing and thriving. Im not the best mother, but Im the best mother I can be. And after years of not feeling good enough, I know I am.