Day 6: Your 5 Senses Right Now

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Sight: The unholy mess that is my computer table. I’m a messy person. It’s how my brain works best. But this mess is overtaking me. Kid shoes, uncut patterns, grocery circulars…just a whole bunch of crazy. Tomorrow will be Tidy It Up Friday.

Hearing: WWE Smackdown is on TV right now, so I’m listening to that. Also, the box fan we have in the room to cool is pretty damn loud. As the weather has gotten warmer, that sound has become a normal part of the background.

Smell: My hands smell like the chips I ate just a bit ago. It’s been a while since I’ve had chips, so I went a little bonkers. They were Ruffles! They had Ridges!

Taste: I’m drinking some water to wash away the saltiness from the chips. How creepy of a question would this be ? “Hey gurl, what you tasting?” Um, vomit?

Touch: I am painfully aware of how hard my computer chair is. It’s a wooden dinner table chair because my original chair died a horrible death and we’ve yet to replace it. Also, the keys on my keyboard. Its a gaming keyboard that my husband passed on to me. The keys have such a nice texture to them. They make typing really easy. As an added bonus, my right wrist is hurting like an ass. I’m not sure what I did to injury it, but it had been aggravating me for weeks. Even with a brace it’s uncomfortable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 5: 10 Songs You Love Right Now

I seriously almost skipped doing today. Its after 10 pm and Little Miss M is still awake. Which means I’m still on the mommy clock. Which doesn’t make me a happy lady. Today has been a stressful day, so I was very much looking forward to time to myself to unwind before getting tired and falling asleep in a puddle of my own drool. But it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

So, quickly, here are ten songs I really fucking love right now.

  1. “Well, Everybody’s Fucking In A U.F.O” by Rob Zombie. I’ve been a Zombie fan for like half of my life. This new song is just so damn good. And it’s wonderful to sing while walking in the grocery store on Old People Day.
  2. “Breath Of Life” by Florence and the Machine. This song is so powerful. The building of the vocals , the instrumental, its all just perfect.
  3. “I and Love and You” by The Avett Brothers. I love this bands sound and how tight and together they are. The slow “We are headed North” part gives me goosebumps.
  4. “You’re Standing On My Neck” by Splendora. It’s the Daria theme song. I love Daria.I might be Daria.
  5. “Come With Me Now” by The Kongos. This song makes me want to go out and do shit. Badass shit.
  6. “I Will Wait” by Mumford and Sons. Pretty much everything by Mumford and Sons is magical.
  7. “Renegades” by X Ambassadors
  8. “One Arm Scissor” At the Drive In. They are back! And touring!
  9. “Saint Cecillia”by The Foo Fighters. I love the Foo Fighters. I have for a very long time. They keep putting out music that speaks to me.
  10. “Snow” by Red Hot Chili Peppers. Always this song. Always.

Day 4: What are you afraid of?

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On the superficial side of things, I am really, really, REALLY afraid of ants. Here in the Southern U.S. we have big nasty fire ants. They seriously are like Satan’s public lice. They are everywhere and are just waiting to crawl on your feet, up your legs and bite the shit out of you.

Many moons ago, when I was a little girl, during an Easter family get together, my little dumb ass walked between two ant hills. And BOOM! Those motherfuckers starting attacking my chubby legs like an all you can eat buffet. My Great Uncle Ray snatched me up, ran me inside to the kitchen and threw me in the sink, pretty little dress ,panty hose and all. My legs were polka dotted with ant bites. It was horrible.

On a much deeper level, Im afraid of turning into my mother and pushing everyone in my life away. I don’t want the mental struggles I go through to hinder and hurt the people I love. I don’t want to be so deformed by my mental anguish, so poisoned and bitter, that I continue the cycle and infect my babies with it. I don’t want them growing up with the same shit I have in my head in theirs. They deserve better. I deserved better.

So, I know this isnt part of the prompt, I’m working on making myself better. I talked with L today about this very thing. And when I told him that I felt that he and the kids deserved better than a crazy, over emotional me he was quick to remind me that I too deserved it. And he’s right. We all deserve happiness and contentment. Especially with our selves. Our worries can not be the largest feeling we have. Love should be. Self love especially.

Also,

Fuck ants.

Day 3: Favorite Quote

This one is pretty hard. I really love quotes and have a few that have rented rooms inside my head. Some of them have no meaning in everyday life (“Zed’s dead,baby. Zed’s dead.”) and others feel like they were created just for me (“Believe me, nothing is trivial.”)

But this one, since I read it the first time, really struck a cord.

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Now, I’ve seen it attributed to both Mother Theresa and Konstantin Josef Jirecek. Regardless, it has so much meaning to me. Especially the last part. I never had a safety net. I never had a cheering section behind me. What Ive learned, Ive taught myself. And a lot of the time, I was wrong. But now, because of the shit Ive carried myself through, Im sure I can do anything.

Day 2: 20 Facts

I get to blog early today because BOTH BABIES ARE SLEEPING AT THE SAME TIME.

This is like the planets aligning on the day you win the lottery. It just doesn’t happen. So, Im trying to make the most of it. Today’s challenge theme is ’20 facts about you’. Let’s knock this out:

  1. I hate watermelon and watermelon flavored items. I don’t care what you say, I find it gross. Me not eating watermelon means there’s more for you guys, so you really should thank me.
  2. I also hate onions. Its a texture thing, not a taste thing.
  3. I am missing the following body parts: tonsils, adenoids, appendix, wisdom teeth and the nails on both of my big toes.
  4. I’ve had three surgeries on my right knee. It’s still a fucking mess.
  5. I’m afraid of ants.
  6. I’m lactose intolerant. It makes me sad.
  7.  I’ve lived on both sides of America and in Germany.
  8. It took me three tries to get my driving license when I was in high school. A few years later, it would take me three times to get my DOD sponsor driving license when we lived in Germany.
  9. I’m afraid of clowns thanks to Tim Curry and Stephen King.
  10. I’ve spent years trying to overcome a horrible Southern accent. If I’m tired or have been in my cups, it comes roaring out.
  11. I like sewing. I’m not great, but I’ve made a few things I’m proud of.
  12. I had to take a multi hour long break here because the babies woke up and I had to go pick up the other one and then dinner and showers and etc,etc. So this fact is that no time of my waking hours is really my time. Im devoted to this wild bunch of misfits.
  13. I struggle with depression and anxiety on a daily basis.
  14. I’m a reformed nail biter.
  15. My husband and I met at a thrift store.
  16. Pizza is life. Glorious, glorious pizza.
  17. My first dogs name was Tippy.
  18. I have a slight fear of prescription medicine. My mother abused pills when I was a kid and it really left a mark on me. I’m even hesitant to take OTC pain relievers.
  19. Other than my nerdy fandoms (Supernatural,Doctor Who,Star Trek, etc) Im also a fan of auto racing, professional wrestling, MMA, and football.
  20. I’ve made it to 20! This might be the most I’ve talked about myself in along time. So I will try to end it with something good. When I was a kid I wanted to run away to Nashville and become a singer/songwriter. But I can’t sing and never learned to play guitar. That never really panned out.

Now you know a shit ton more about me than you did before!

Day 1: Introduction

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Ok, let’s do this!

I’ve never been good at introductions, so let’s just hit the basics.

I’m Angela. I’m in my early 30s and I’m allergic to penicillin. I’m a long time nerd and weirdo. One of my feet is slightly bigger than the other and I’m right handed. I’m the opposite of a perfectionist. I’m a “eh,thats good enough”ist. I like to craft. Sewing is what I’m focusing on right now. I really love to sew, even if my projects are hit or miss. I also really love photography. Like sewing, its still hit or miss for me, but Im getting better. I lost my desire to create anything for a while and am slowly regaining it. I’m doing a photography challenge on Facebook that’s made me fall in love with my camera again. It’s pretty awesome. While writing this, I’m drinking a PBR and watching The Twilight Zone. I’m sure that says something about me as a person.

I’ve been married for almost 11 years to my best friend who I will affectionately call Mr. L.  We got married pretty young and have done some pretty incredible things. The most incredible are our four children.

Az was our first son and oldest child. He was born in Washington State on a cold day. When he was born, I became a different, better person. He was super smart and super sweet. I use the word was because he passed away November 2011, a week before my birthday. It was totally unforseen and unexpected. Every single day, every hour, I still hurt and long for him. He was my first best friend. He was a gift to the world. He still is.

Jo our little Bean Boy. He is quickly approaching his 8th birthday. He’s hilarious and kind and just a little high strung. He has ADHD and is currently in second grade. School has been hard for him, but I totally think that things are starting to look up. He loves making things out of clay and video games, just like his daddy.

Des is our little quiet giant. He is three and likes to play pretend. He really likes to play pretend. His current favorite thing is to make a story up using his fingers as people. He has beautiful blue eyes. His current favorite things is the new car seat we upgraded him to. He practically begs to go “bye bye” so he can ride in it.

And the baby is Miss Mar. She is our surprise baby. We didn’t plan on her showing up, or being a her for the matter, but she did. And although she is sassy and loud, she is amazing. Sometimes I can’t believe she’s real. She loves kitties and likes to burp. She likes to help and is constantly underfoot. She’s our own little Arya Underfoot.

My orgin story is kind of shitty. I had an abusive, narcissistic mother and an apathetic father. I was the scapegoat of the family. I’ve been no contact with them for a long time. I’m still working through mess that was left by that life. I will probably hit on that whole mess later.

I don’t know what else to say! I feel like I’ve said so much without saying anything. Talking about myself has always felt weird. At least I’ve completed Day 1 of this challenge. Self high five for that!

Opps Bag- $2

The closest mall to our house has a cookie shop. I actually think it may be called “The Cookie Shop” but I could be making that up because it sounds good in my head.

We were at the mall on Tuesday for the Mister to get his eyes checked. (Yes, theres an optometrist in the mall). I was walking the babies around when they were getting antsy. There was only one thing that would calm the savage beasts. And it was cookies.

We roll up to the cookie counter in the food court and I order some little sugar cookies for their little kid hands and a lemonade for myself. I noticed a sign near the register while we were waiting “Oops Bag-$2”. So I read the small text and found out that Oops Bags were overcooked, broken, a day old or otherwise less than perfect cookies. I immediately thought this was a great idea and asked for one.

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It wasn’t just because it was cheap cookies. I mean, I love cookies and cheap ones are even better ya know. It’s because if people were cookies, I’d be an Oops Bag. I’ve been broken, I’m older, and I’m a far ways from perfect. There are pieces of me missing that will never return. There have been parts of me burned,blackened, and ruined. And even though my life has been filled with people who passed over me and chose another, I’m still good. I’m still worthy. To a zombie or cannibal, I’m still delicious.

Just because we’re not perfect doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough. Our flaws are parts of our story. Our flaws are part of who and what we are. We should honor those things in us that make us who we are. For good or bad, we are who we are. And we shouldn’t be ashamed.