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Day 8&9 In Your Bag/Worst Habit

Well, it happened,loves. It only took 8 days for it to, but it did.

I missed posting. But it was because I had a friend over and we spent most of the evening eating cheesecake and watching stand up on Netflix. So, under cheesecake consuming rules, I’m in the clear. No wrongs can be committed while eating cheesecake. Hashtag that  as Truth, cause its fucking gold.

Anyway, here are the contents of my bag, which if I can boast for a moment, I made myself. IMG_9046

So we got a baby sweater, some diapers, my wallet, a compact of powder which is sadly no longer with us because the wearer of that pretty pink sweater threw it across a parking lot.There’s also my keys, a book I picked up at an Asian Market in a language I can’t read, and some trash I should really throw away. Also, the fabric I made my bag out of glows in the dark. So that’s pretty cool.

Ok, now that we are caught up, here’s today’s post. My worst habits. In no particular order they include

  • Over apologizing for slights real and imagined
  • Giving up on my interest and actions to make time for other people.
  • Asking if someone is okay. Over and over and over.
  • Picking at zits, scratches, any sort of flesh imperfection.
  • Scratching. Excessively. Hello stress rashes, let’s get raw!
  • Tailgating. Speeding. Pretty much driving in general. I am a horrible driver. Horrible.
  • Saying “Goddamnit”. The kids say it now because of me. I’m a great influence.
  • Caffeine consumption. Give me Monster or give me death. And by that I mean, it probably will give me death.
  • Listing all the horrible things that could,would,should, might happen over and over in my head.
  • Making fucking list.

There you go. A laundry list of my bad habits and yesterday post about my purse. It’s an odd combo, for sure. I hope not to miss anymore days. The photography challenge I’m doing on Facebook is almost over. I’m pretty sad about that. It’s been a lot of fun. Maybe I will do another one just for this blog? Who knows. I probably should just finish this shit first. That would be a good idea. Can we add taking on too much to the list of bad habits?

 

 

Day 7: Your Pet Hates

I’m really feeling like I didn’t read these daily prompts as well as I thought. This once surprised me. I know I’m doing them just to get into the habit of posting, but I thought they’d be a bit deeper. But, what the hell, let’s talk about pets.

We have two fat and sassy cats. Their names are Athens and Jiji.

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This is Athens. She’s the Queen of the house.

Athen’s is the oldest. We adopted her as a wee little kitten. She was our first family cat. My husband’s had cats since he was a little baby, but I never had. We got Athens and I fell in love. Some people say that their cats are their fur babies. That’s not true with her. She’s like a fur adult co-parent. She’s the second wife in the house, it seems. She loves and cuddles freely but its usually when she wants to. I love when she sleeps in the bed with me. She always curls up right behind my knees. Anyway, she hates water most of all. Her second biggest hate is when Jiji craps. She waits outside the little box to jump and swat Gigi in the face.

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This is Jiji. She’s an aggressive cuddler. 

Jiji is the sweetest, most obnoxiously lovey dovey cat ever. I’ve recently had to stop her sleeping with me because she likes to groom my hair and face while I sleep. I know she means well, but that shit hurts and is pretty frightening to wake up to. She loves to take total dominion of your lap and rub her face on your hands so you have to pet her. Her biggest hate is an empty food bowl. She was a stray at some point in her life and I don’t think she’s ever forgotten what being hungry feels like. She’s never forgotten what lonely feels like. Because of that, a lot of her obnoxious actions are overlooked.  Fun fact about Jiji; I named her after the cat from Kiki’s Delivery Service. When she’s being totally gross or doing something weird I call her GG Allin. If you’re familiar with GG Allin, you’ll understand why I think it’s hilarious.

I really love these two. And I’m pretty sure they love me. When I’m upset, feeling bad, or whatever, I can always expect a furry head to push into me looking to love on me. Our family is complete because of them. I’d definitely be a different person if they weren’t around.

Day 5: 10 Songs You Love Right Now

I seriously almost skipped doing today. Its after 10 pm and Little Miss M is still awake. Which means I’m still on the mommy clock. Which doesn’t make me a happy lady. Today has been a stressful day, so I was very much looking forward to time to myself to unwind before getting tired and falling asleep in a puddle of my own drool. But it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

So, quickly, here are ten songs I really fucking love right now.

  1. “Well, Everybody’s Fucking In A U.F.O” by Rob Zombie. I’ve been a Zombie fan for like half of my life. This new song is just so damn good. And it’s wonderful to sing while walking in the grocery store on Old People Day.
  2. “Breath Of Life” by Florence and the Machine. This song is so powerful. The building of the vocals , the instrumental, its all just perfect.
  3. “I and Love and You” by The Avett Brothers. I love this bands sound and how tight and together they are. The slow “We are headed North” part gives me goosebumps.
  4. “You’re Standing On My Neck” by Splendora. It’s the Daria theme song. I love Daria.I might be Daria.
  5. “Come With Me Now” by The Kongos. This song makes me want to go out and do shit. Badass shit.
  6. “I Will Wait” by Mumford and Sons. Pretty much everything by Mumford and Sons is magical.
  7. “Renegades” by X Ambassadors
  8. “One Arm Scissor” At the Drive In. They are back! And touring!
  9. “Saint Cecillia”by The Foo Fighters. I love the Foo Fighters. I have for a very long time. They keep putting out music that speaks to me.
  10. “Snow” by Red Hot Chili Peppers. Always this song. Always.

Day 4: What are you afraid of?

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On the superficial side of things, I am really, really, REALLY afraid of ants. Here in the Southern U.S. we have big nasty fire ants. They seriously are like Satan’s public lice. They are everywhere and are just waiting to crawl on your feet, up your legs and bite the shit out of you.

Many moons ago, when I was a little girl, during an Easter family get together, my little dumb ass walked between two ant hills. And BOOM! Those motherfuckers starting attacking my chubby legs like an all you can eat buffet. My Great Uncle Ray snatched me up, ran me inside to the kitchen and threw me in the sink, pretty little dress ,panty hose and all. My legs were polka dotted with ant bites. It was horrible.

On a much deeper level, Im afraid of turning into my mother and pushing everyone in my life away. I don’t want the mental struggles I go through to hinder and hurt the people I love. I don’t want to be so deformed by my mental anguish, so poisoned and bitter, that I continue the cycle and infect my babies with it. I don’t want them growing up with the same shit I have in my head in theirs. They deserve better. I deserved better.

So, I know this isnt part of the prompt, I’m working on making myself better. I talked with L today about this very thing. And when I told him that I felt that he and the kids deserved better than a crazy, over emotional me he was quick to remind me that I too deserved it. And he’s right. We all deserve happiness and contentment. Especially with our selves. Our worries can not be the largest feeling we have. Love should be. Self love especially.

Also,

Fuck ants.

Day 1: Introduction

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Ok, let’s do this!

I’ve never been good at introductions, so let’s just hit the basics.

I’m Angela. I’m in my early 30s and I’m allergic to penicillin. I’m a long time nerd and weirdo. One of my feet is slightly bigger than the other and I’m right handed. I’m the opposite of a perfectionist. I’m a “eh,thats good enough”ist. I like to craft. Sewing is what I’m focusing on right now. I really love to sew, even if my projects are hit or miss. I also really love photography. Like sewing, its still hit or miss for me, but Im getting better. I lost my desire to create anything for a while and am slowly regaining it. I’m doing a photography challenge on Facebook that’s made me fall in love with my camera again. It’s pretty awesome. While writing this, I’m drinking a PBR and watching The Twilight Zone. I’m sure that says something about me as a person.

I’ve been married for almost 11 years to my best friend who I will affectionately call Mr. L.  We got married pretty young and have done some pretty incredible things. The most incredible are our four children.

Az was our first son and oldest child. He was born in Washington State on a cold day. When he was born, I became a different, better person. He was super smart and super sweet. I use the word was because he passed away November 2011, a week before my birthday. It was totally unforseen and unexpected. Every single day, every hour, I still hurt and long for him. He was my first best friend. He was a gift to the world. He still is.

Jo our little Bean Boy. He is quickly approaching his 8th birthday. He’s hilarious and kind and just a little high strung. He has ADHD and is currently in second grade. School has been hard for him, but I totally think that things are starting to look up. He loves making things out of clay and video games, just like his daddy.

Des is our little quiet giant. He is three and likes to play pretend. He really likes to play pretend. His current favorite thing is to make a story up using his fingers as people. He has beautiful blue eyes. His current favorite things is the new car seat we upgraded him to. He practically begs to go “bye bye” so he can ride in it.

And the baby is Miss Mar. She is our surprise baby. We didn’t plan on her showing up, or being a her for the matter, but she did. And although she is sassy and loud, she is amazing. Sometimes I can’t believe she’s real. She loves kitties and likes to burp. She likes to help and is constantly underfoot. She’s our own little Arya Underfoot.

My orgin story is kind of shitty. I had an abusive, narcissistic mother and an apathetic father. I was the scapegoat of the family. I’ve been no contact with them for a long time. I’m still working through mess that was left by that life. I will probably hit on that whole mess later.

I don’t know what else to say! I feel like I’ve said so much without saying anything. Talking about myself has always felt weird. At least I’ve completed Day 1 of this challenge. Self high five for that!

Opps Bag- $2

The closest mall to our house has a cookie shop. I actually think it may be called “The Cookie Shop” but I could be making that up because it sounds good in my head.

We were at the mall on Tuesday for the Mister to get his eyes checked. (Yes, theres an optometrist in the mall). I was walking the babies around when they were getting antsy. There was only one thing that would calm the savage beasts. And it was cookies.

We roll up to the cookie counter in the food court and I order some little sugar cookies for their little kid hands and a lemonade for myself. I noticed a sign near the register while we were waiting “Oops Bag-$2”. So I read the small text and found out that Oops Bags were overcooked, broken, a day old or otherwise less than perfect cookies. I immediately thought this was a great idea and asked for one.

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It wasn’t just because it was cheap cookies. I mean, I love cookies and cheap ones are even better ya know. It’s because if people were cookies, I’d be an Oops Bag. I’ve been broken, I’m older, and I’m a far ways from perfect. There are pieces of me missing that will never return. There have been parts of me burned,blackened, and ruined. And even though my life has been filled with people who passed over me and chose another, I’m still good. I’m still worthy. To a zombie or cannibal, I’m still delicious.

Just because we’re not perfect doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough. Our flaws are parts of our story. Our flaws are part of who and what we are. We should honor those things in us that make us who we are. For good or bad, we are who we are. And we shouldn’t be ashamed.

 

 

Anger

Anger is the coating for inadequacy.

Anger is the capitalization of pain.

Anger is a bad translation of misunderstanding.

Anger is unhappiness set on fire.

Anger is panic wearing stilts and dropping it’s voice.

Anger is Depresson’s paramour.

Anger is not a badge of honor.

Anger is the dictator that rules after a coup.

Anger is the jar of nectar tempting from across the room.

I know these things. I spilled the words from my heart. But I still let anger take over when I feel vulnerable, insulted, or rejected. Its a preset response that I want to eliminate.

I’d rather be seen as soft than as a hateful,anger bitch.

What paths have you found the break the chains of anger? What resources do you enjoy?