For us here at the Conjure and Coffee house, summer vacation is almost over.
In just a few weeks, ⅔ of the kiddos that have filled up this house all summer long with their laughing and yelling,scrabbling and giggling will be returning to school. (Miss M, due to a late birthday, falls just a little shy of making the kindergarten start date and will have to wait an additional year before she joins the fellas.)
Come the middle of this month the boys will be back to business as usual. Which makes me feel a whole host of things at the same time. Anxiously excited? Cautiously optimistic? Scared out of my freaking gourd?
They are both exceptional students. Not because they get perfect grades or win lots of awards, but because no matter what, they really freaking try. They each have their own struggles (I’ve talked about here) but they still try. With middle school on the horizon for one and first grade for the other, this year will be one where trying will be the key. And I know, they are going to do their best. Their best will not be able to be measured in ways that will be reflected by scores on standardized tests or my letters on report cards. Their best will be measured by their own feelings of accomplishment and enjoyment. And that really is all that I can ask.
I still haven’t gotten used to the whole process of sending them off on the first day. That empty gut feeling of watching a bus carry away this person you love more than you love yourself never feels less scary. It’s not any easier watching them walk into a building without a glance back at you either. I am not delusional or egotistical enough to think that I am the most important person in their lives. I don’t think that, I don’t want that, I don’t need that to be true. However, they are the most important people in my life. And watching them walk into the wild unknown of their own uncharted territory is pretty fucking frightening.
But it’s pretty exciting too. These kids are on the path of discovering everything. All the wonderful things that we take for granted and all the shitty things we have forgotten, they are just at the very beginning of that their own hero’s journey to finding it all. And holy crap, there’s something magical in that. These are going to be the moments that are the building blocks for the foundation for the rest of their lives. And somehow I’m lucky enough to be down in the mud, elbows deep in the dirt for it all.
As for me, I’m also happy about the return to routine. I am a creature that thrives on it. These almost endless summer days of nothing but heat and boredom did not work out well for my psyche. I like plans, structure and just enough order to give shape to the day. (Not to my house, it’s messy. I’m messy. My thoughts look a tornado.) Returning to a basic school schedule will do so much to put my brain back at ease. Even if that involves waking up hours before I would prefer.
This will allow me to get a few hours of reduced kid time. Which will be great for writing (which might come in handy for this slightly neglected blog). I’ve also been doing a few things in the fiction world that I can’t wait to tell you about. The fellas returning to school will allow me to have a few more hours of daylight to devote to that as well.
Also, there’s the possibility that something else pretty cool shakes out, but you know what they say about chickens and eggs and counting. So I’m keeping that close to my vest.
Back to school is stressful. But it is joyous. There are tears, but there’s also celebration. But that’s kind of like life right?
It’s the yin and yang of it all. That’s the beauty in this wheel of life. We find the wonderful in the mundane and that’s one of the things that makes our lives have meaning.